8 Things My Parents’ Marriage Taught Me

Even though I’m no relationship expert, I’ve learned a few things over the years, through my parents’ marriage, and as I approach that milestone myself, there are a few pointers I discovered that are absolutely important to sustain a healthy union.

1. Never Go to Bed Upset

Ok, I know after a while, that gets old and if your spouse hits the wrong nerve; straight to the couch he/she goes, but the idea of being able to talk to my spouse about something that offended me (even if I have to take a few hours to cool of first) is very appealing and usually rewarding.

2. Never Be Afraid to Admit to a Mistake

So you spent more than what was budgeted, for a new pair of heels (that you really didn’t need) and pretended that you did nothing wrong, or even worse; you hid them. If your spouse can’t trust you, that’s the beginning of the end. Apologizing and meaning it goes a long way.

3. Never Share the Dislikes of Your Spouse with Your Family and Friends

Suddenly everybody is a therapist. Even that friend that has never been a relationship longer than 5 minutes, wants to tell you how to handle your situation. I strongly believe that when bad things happen in a relationship, the problems should be worked out internally. Why? When you have forgiven your spouse, the same friends and family who you told your business to, will still look at your spouse with unforgiveness in their hearts.

Side Note: This does not include abuse. No one should ever be quiet about being hurt.

4. Be Honest

Yes, you’re married, but you’re no mind reader. Being honest and transparent with your spouse about the things that you like or the things that trigger you, is very important. Things that may have appealed to you at the beginning of the relationship, may not sit well with you 5 years from the time you exchanged vows, and that’s ok. As time goes on, people evolve. It’s the responsibility of both partners to be open about transitions they go through.

5. Never Cheat

No matter how much greener the other side looks, it’s never worth it. Spouses come up with different reasons why they commit adultery. However, none of the excuses are actually valid. If you no longer feel that spark, counseling no longer works, and you know deep within that you’ve given your all, then leave.

6. If You Have Children, Leave Them Out of Grown Folks Business

Never put your children in a position where they have to choose. Unless a child’s safety is at risk, there should never be a good enough reason to have them engage in your conflicts/conversations. In the end, the child could resent the parent they sided against and that neglected parent could hold animosity against that child.

7. Spend Quality Time with Your Spouse

Many people think that marriage means no friends. Absolutely not. However, if you plan on spending all your free time with friends and none with your spouse, you are bound to have a problem. A marriage needs to be continuously finessed. It’s fragile and something as simple as quality time can save you from going through unnecessary turmoil. It gives you an opportunity to connect with your spouse on a deeper level and build stronger bonds.

8. Prayer

I’ve always heard growing up that God should be the center of every marriage and today I find that to be true. When God is removed from the equation, then situations begin to get sticky. Spending time with God together, deepens, strengthens and restores the relationship between man and wife.

As my fiancé and I take this leap of faith and embark on this new life together, we are nothing but grateful for the blueprint they gave us.

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