Control

For quite some time I realized that I always feel the need to be in control. Even though I can’t pin point the exact reason why, I’m learning that life never works out the way that I plan (not sure if anyone else has that problem).

For example, my plan was to go to school, get my degrees, land a great job, have an awesome career, and build my own little business on the side (I really hate the standard 9 to 5), meet Mr. Right, fall in love, get married, have a football team of kids, raise said kids to be positive products of society, grow old and travel the world with Mr. Right, watch my little troop grow up and get married, and bless my husband and I with little troopers and troopets who we’d spoil rotten. We’d have huge family gatherings every couple of months, just to celebrate love, life, and family. My husband and I would watch the world change and peacefully fade away to meet our Maker – in that order.

Let me tell you, I’m off to a horrible start. I started my Bachelor’s Degree and had to take 2 semesters off. One, for battling severe depression during a time when things got really crazy with my family, and the other time, for being 7 months pregnant, out of wedlock I might add, and not being able to handle the commute of getting to and from school. The only prospect for marriage disappeared into oblivion when Mr. Right turned out to be Mr. Right Now. I decided to go back to school to get my Master’s Degree, all while being a parent. Talk about challenging!! I was able to complete the degree, but haven’t really been able to utilize said degree to the extent that I’d like. The prospect of having that dream job and career, seem so far away. My football team only has one player right now and I have no idea when the rest of the team will arrive. Forget about the troopers and troopets, I can’t think that far these days.

I’m saying all of this to say, everything that I have ever planned for my life, has FAILED. I have little to no control over how my life plays out, so why is it that after learning all these hard lessons, I’m still trying to control my life? Why can’t I just go with the flow?

I’ve got to learn how to master the concept of contentment. I want to be at a place in life where I am comfortable with where and how my life is. Please don’t misinterpret me. This is by no means, and excuse to live loose or reckless. I’ve already been there, done that, and I’ve got several T-shirts to prove it! I just want to be able to live the life God intended for me and fulfill His purpose, all while being happy and peaceful.

Feel free to share any tips. Feedback is always welcome!

~MM
Peace&Love

 

 

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