When is the Right Time to Tell Your Partner that You’re Not Straight?

Many of us believe that after finding “the one” that everything else will sail smoothly, and you’ll all live in bliss until death do you part, or one of you run out of love – which ever comes first.

All the anxiety you faced slowly dies down as you realize that all your pieces are finally falling into place. That secret you held on to for so long, soon won’t matter. In fact, you can bury it deep, deep down inside and no one will ever have to know.

This type of dark secret can uproot any and almost every relationship, if not uncovered early on. It could make your partner question everything you have ever said or done for them.

The truth is, you have been struggling with this stronghold for so long because it isn’t for the faint of heart. In fact, your life would be a lot smoother if you could just scream, “I’m not straight!!!”

So when is the best time to tell him/her that you aren’t straight?

I believe that love conquers all, and your immigration status, shouldn’t affect how your partner looks at you.

It has been seen too many times over the years, where relationships fall apart because people feel like they are being used for a green card.

What happens after the wedding and the green card is granted? Some probably don’t want to draw attention to themselves by leaving right away, but may actually wait a few years and apply for citizenship as well before their true colors emerge.

It’s becoming infuriating, watching people float from relationship to relationship with the intent to “lock down” a green card. A green card is not the key to happiness. It may appear to be, but it can cost you more than what you bargain for. This country, now more than ever, makes no jokes about falsifying anything, especially citizenship.

I remember many years ago, I overheard a conversation at a church that led with something like this,
“If  Pastor ever made an announcement that ICE was popping up next Sunday, the pews won’t be as full”.
Don’t get it wrong, not everyone is after a green card – to each his own. But I see it happening a lot among the young people.

Seriously, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you for you? Why would you want to be with someone whose main intent is to take from you and not help you build? Yes, I can hear the backlash coming, “We love each other and it’s not about status!!!” It may not be now, but at some point it will come up and it will be an issue that has to be dealt with.

I guess I would have a hard time trusting anyone who wouldn’t be able to tell me the moment our feelings become strong for each other, that they are undocumented.
And on the other hand, I wouldn’t want to be pushed away because I’m undocumented.

Open and honest conversations are necessary.

Let’s love for loves sake and focus on being open and honest with each other about our status and everything else in between.

Don’t love me just because I can give you a green card; but don’t push me to the side because I might not have one.


  • Your brother.

    Makes perfect sense, but what if you trust that person with said info and they use it against you if the relationship falls apart?

    • meticulouslymelissa

      It’s like a double edged sword. You never really know who you’re dealing with if their intention is only to get a green card, but on the other hand, if they don’t say anything in a timely manner, it could make you question what else they have up their sleeves.
      I can’t imagine how tough it must be for people whose status isn’t straight. I’d probably confide in someone who could advise me on how to handle that. We are often blinded by “love” and a third-party could definitely help us make good decisions.

Leave a Reply